Bob Bakker 8.2

Bob Bakker is a dinosaur man. He still believes Brontosaurus existed. He says growth in habitat, which led to disease, is what killed off the dinosaurs. Lately, he can be found playing with duckbill dino poop in Houston. And he has a huge beard.

Bakker hasn’t been farming his beard since Jurrassic times, but its impressive length seems to allude otherwise. As a teacher, Bakker’s beard serves as a symbol of wisdom and expertise in his field. His is the four-star general version that says “I’ve been around the block” without being too pushy or intimidating.

But in the field — Colorado, Montana, Utah, Canada, Mongolia, Zimbabwe — his beard functions in a far more utilitarian manner, guarding his face from the elements, blocking the sun and warming/cooling him depending on the temperature. It’s like some kind of cotton-polyester wonder material.

In the dinoscience community, Bakker is apt to play the rebel at times. So fitting is it that he would wear the same beard as a Hell’s Angel.

Anyway, let’s hope his theories on dinosaur growth don’t apply to beards (see below).

• 1) A species grows and grows and then gets too big and becomes extinct. See: Allosaur family;
• 2) As species became more populous and spread throughout the world, they were more prone to disease and died off.