Don van Vliet (Captain Beefheart) 5.9

Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band were legendary. Don van Vliet’s facial hair? Not so much.

His lip ferret was merely average. And his poet’s beard was never much more than the obligatory mark of a mad musical genius. The extent to which we can attribute Beefheart’s storied musical career to his tightly manicured face garden is far less than the muse standard set by other great beardists.

Beefheart’s continued trajectory into obscurity and remaining a cult hero is directly proportional to his subpar beardage. Fellow musician and collaborator Frank Zappa, on the other hand, took the logo approach and crafted a trademark from his moustache-chinpuff combo synonymous with his music and name.