29 August 2008

Beard T-shirt

I designed a shirt and would like you to vote on it.

I finally submitted this design idea to the novel T-shirt company Threadless. Of course, I think it would make an excellent shirt and I think you might like it, too. But the design needs votes to ever be made. So please, view and vote on my design here.

Thank you in advance.


25 August 2008


I’m going on vacation for two weeks. Expect change upon my return.


Jerry Garcia

How do you measure a beard as transformative as the beard of Jerry Garcia? Losing a finger did little to hinder his guitar prowess. Just as the Grateful Dead are just The Other Ones or The Dead without Garcia, Garcia is just an ugly man without his beard. See for yourself:

With just a little lot of facial hair, Garcia the ugly bagworm turned into Garcia the beautiful Psychidae — yeah, a hairy moth that is actually quite stunning. Trivia: psychedelic music was first called psychidaelic music, but the then the hippies had trouble spelling it. Somehow, the silent p survived.

So that wealth of brushy bristles is the foundation for the iconic, lovable, huggable teddy bear we all saw printed on the draped tie-dye shroud behind the cute, blue-haired, “free-spirited” girl’s bed whenever we went to her dorm to hit on or smoke with her.

Anyway… It’s truely brilliant, that freak flag flying atop his scrag. It matches Garcia’s overgrown moptop, soundly practices the art of symetrics and perpetuates the friendly persona of Santa Claus. What more could you ask for?

Happy belated birthday. Happy belated deathday.

24 August 2008

Bruce Willis sports stellar beard in new flick

In the forthcoming film What Just Happened?, Bruce Willis plays Bruce Willis with a righteous beard. Very nice.

21 August 2008

Olympic Beard
Amanda Beard

¡Joé! Ella es de puta madre. Y si quieres buscar “beard” en Google, las resultas tienen links a ella. Porque ella es como un tren, la ha ganada un diez perfecto. Ya está.

20 August 2008

Olympic Moustache
Mac Wilkins

By Ian

Mac Wilkins competed in the 1976 and 1984 Olympics in the discus throw, distinguishing himself from the crowd with this smooth and stylish moustache. Subdued and unassuming, this moustache quietly watches and waits for a moment of Olympic glory. Though it dares to curve around the lip to approach the chin region, this well-groomed nose caterpillar refrains from expanding its territory to a real beard.

It’s a shame, really. A moustache like this could have been part of a really fantastic beard, what with all that spiffy hair and those sideburns in the background.

Edit: It appears that Mr. Wilkins did in fact wear a beard for a period of time, and it looked absolutely stunning. Why he is more well known for his moustache than his beard is something of a mystery. There are some tiny pictures of his beard in all its glory on his website.

18 August 2008

Olympic Moustache
Mark Spitz

Not unlike another great champion of hairodynamics, this Mark Spitz put his best stache forward. This freestyle moustache suits Spitz swimmingly.

Spitz’s complex bow combed through the water en route to seven Olympic gold medals in München. The audacity to trick out his lip as such was actually à la mode 30+ years ago. And since Spitz was the dog’s bullocks, this particular stache was celebrated for decades.

Awesomest photo of the day.

Postscript: Did anyone notice the American Superfish and his aqua beard winning eight medals this year? Many of you may not have noticed the translucent microfins that cover his face. Only Neptune and the little mermaid were known to have had similar microfin beards.

16 August 2008

To beard or to beard larger

Erik Flowers writes:


I have come to a point in my beard where I have began to wonder, has it gone on long enough? I have long ago passed the “normal” sized beard, and have become a minor public spectacle. I had a moment of weakness recently, where I wondered if I should end my journey into the bearded forest.

Now, I am asking for support. Please view my pre and post awesome photos and voice your opinions. Is the beard here to stay? Which version of my head is more awesome?
Beard Revue fully supports the mega-beard going on here. You’d be in good company wiht folks like musicians like Bonnie “Prince” Billy and Devendra Banhart; dinosaurologist Bob Bakker; graphic novelist Alan Moore; Friar Cesari Bonizzi; internets dude Rob Weychert; longevity champion Aubrey de Grey; and this guy.

I sincerely think it suits you nicely. At the very least, you owe it to yourself to keep the beard full and not pull it back to a goatee.

Comments and suggestions welcome!

14 August 2008

Olympic Beards
Pearl Jam
3.5 average

What do Pearl Jam have to do with the Olympics? They wrote and performed one of the greatest Olympic-themed songs ever. It’s called “Olympic Platinum” from a fan club single in 1996. Have a listen, and then read the review.

Mike McCready will wear anything from a shitstache to a this accident-beard. I suspect it’s less out of necessity or fashion than in the name of sloth. At least he isn’t lazy on the guitar-solo front.

Jeff Ament plays bass and brings the chinstrap — he’s been consistent with his beardage for several years now.

Stone Gossard, riff master extraordinaire, is the latest to step up to the proverbial bearded plate. His is the best thus far.

Lead singer Edward Lewis Severson III has a weak beard. Srsly. It’s like wearing tights under cut-off khakis: may have been cool once upon a time in Seattle, but grow up, Peter Pan. Grow a real beard.

Boom Gaspar plays keys and keeps a decent beard.

13 August 2008

Beard Revue is sponsoring Louisville Cornhole Cup!

The fourth annual Louisville Cornhole Cup is proudly sponsored by Beard Revue this year! Check it out and register for the tournament. It takes place Saturday, September 13 on the Louisville waterfront. It should be loads of fun.

Cornhole (the game) Wikipedia entry

11 August 2008

Olympic Moustache
Bruce Baumgartner

The greatest athlete from Indiana State University is not Larry Bird. A) Basketball, while great sport, is not the most physically or mentally demanding activity out there; B) Larry didn’t wear facial hair.

No, it was 4-time Olympic freestyle wrestling medalist Bruce Baumgartner, known for his stirring double-leg takedowns and his formidable moustache.

This handsome wrestler wore the Magnum P.I. lip caterpillar pretty well. Simple and straightforward, it rests broad across his face reinforcing Baum’s expansive neck and sweeping shoulders.

But other than ornament, it really doesn’t serve much purpose. Those aforementioned shoulders are sign enough to move out of the way, so the moustache is no warning flag. It’s not funny nor overtly stylish, so it serves no value in comedy or fashion. Though there is potential for greatness, Baum’s stache is eclipsed by the man who stands behind it. His is the Ford Taurus of facial hair.

So here’s a treat for all you wrestling fanatics:

Note: This is not the first wrestler to be featured on Beard Revue. We love Dave Schultz too.
“Great story, Mike” Note: I meat Baumgartner 12 years ago before he won his fourth Olympic medal.

07 August 2008

Olympic Moustache
Steve Prefontaine

Following his collegiate career at Oregon, Steve Prefontaine prepared for the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal, setting American records in every race from 2000 to 10000 meters. Unfortunately, Pre died before he could compete that summer.

That’s not to say the Pre moustache legacy doesn’t live on today.

At the forefront of his lip and facial hairodynamics, Pre’s stache never stood still. Complementary sideburns direct the focus towards the central location of the sub-schnoz filament. A direct contrast to Pre’s crown of tow-colored hair, the moustache is a strong brown. It exemplifies the man’s toughness to go the distance and says “Hey ladies, this is the 1970s” in one glimpse. That’s just about perfect.

You have to credit Pre — after all, what part of your body would you have cross the finish line first?

06 August 2008

Quality Beards Since 2001

If you visit Standard Recording to purchase the forthcoming 43 Songs for 43 Presidencies, you may notice the page title is “quality beards since 2001.” Well, I’m sold.

As you already know, Beard Revue loves presidents. Let’s hope some of the songs include lines about presidential beardage.

04 August 2008

Colonel Harland Sanders

Did you know Colonel Sanders was not actually a colonel? Fitting, as his facial hair is not actually a beard. He didn’t wear a circle beard (also frowned upon), but instead a goatee + moustache.

My personal feelings towards a goatee are quite negative. They are silly and do not represent the full potential of puss plumage. Grow up, Peter Pan. Grow a real beard.

Since his pointy little chin tuft and moustache are probably the most ubiquitous facial hairs of our times [he represents the largest seller of fried chicken in the world and largest fast food chain in Asia (c. 2000 — I’m not 100% on this stat anymore), and his silly little face pops up whenever animal activists target KFC] next to Hitler and Santa Claus, I think we might as well give the diminutive man some credit where he deserves it.

But the problem here is all style. On the one hand, Sanders made a conscious effort to brand himself a “southern gentleman” by wearing the goatee and white suit. This succeeded and his brand is instantly recognizable the around the globe. On the other hand, this awkward silliness — not the least bit ironic — contributes to my inherent repulsion to my Bluegrass roots. Ridiculous facial hair just builds on the pile of things for which I don’t want Kentucky to be known.

Today marks the first ever Kentucky Fried Chicken being opened (in Utah, of course!). Happy birthday, KFC.

01 August 2008

Holy Beards from SC

Paul Roof, president of the South Carolina Beard & Mustache Association and founder of the Holy City Beard & Moustache Society, tipped off Beard Revue recently: There is a huge contingency of amazing beards in Charleston, South Carolina. Says Roof:
We have a beard “fraternity” that meets montly for pub nights & recently hosted Beard Team USA Captain Phil Olsen for our one year anniversary.
Well, I know where I’m going if ever in the Palmetto State.

Check out their space on MySpace.

Timothy de Costa Rica

Timothy is on hiatus from his stint in Costa Rica. This was taken in South Carolina. Very nice, dude.

(Thanks, Cara.)