31 December 2008

Bizarre Beards and Magnificent Moustaches of Hindustan

Hair India; A Guide to the Bizarre Beards and Magnificent Moustaches of Hindustan is a coffee table book full of great beardage. The photography is stunning and inspiring.

The snaps include the world’s longest beard (measuring six foot long) and the world’s longest moustache (11 foot six inches).

Author and editor Richard McCallum notes:

Beards and moustaches tell the story of modern India—how it is becoming a more Westernised, homogenised place, but also how the great traditions and the love of display still exist. Male grooming is important to Indians, and facial hair proved a topic that took us to places and into conversations with people we would never have met otherwise.
Here are a few of the Momo-Moochies, Wacky Ladakhis, Praying Mantis and Asiatic Ball-Buffers include in the book.

View the complete slideshow at Telegraph.co.uk.

30 December 2008

Trendsetters of the Bearded Northwest

Portland Monthly has a supplementary slideshow to the previously mentioned beardiest city declaration. It’s an illustrated history of the bearded Northwest by Thomas Cobb that includes Sasquatch, Sam Beam, Bill Walton and Rip Van Winkle amongst others. Profound, alluring and hilarious. And, yes, it’s awesome.

View the entire slideshow in its full glory here.

Auguste Rodin

Auguste Rodin is widely regarded as one of the main progenitors of modern beard sculpting. A traditionally trained sculpteur de barbe, he took a craftsman-like approach to bearding.

Mossy texture at epic lengths is the erudite equation that lifts this brawny beard to exceptional heights. Rodin’s beard (Barbus Aloysius Snuffleupagus) sprawls over his chest like mighty oak roots reaching for the water table. But Rodin was sure to carve dynamic facial furniture: it rolls, ripples, swells and froths as it goes.

The harmonic synergy of military-style cranial pruning and long face forestry creates a medley of notable contrast. Chiaroscuro — beard vs. face and beard vs. dome hair — works well to bring attention to a youthful Rodin, but is forfeited for the familiar “old wise man” fashion during Rodin’s twilight years.

The legacy of Rodin’s beard is great and its reputation solid. And now it’s on the internets.

26 December 2008

…because I like you, and you like beards.

Erin Dollar of Beard Capitol, USA, is selling handmade beards to naked faces ’round the globe. Besides these surrogate sheaths (above), she also makes prints (below). Show her some beard love and pick up a few for the new year.

via BoingBoing

25 December 2008

Jesus, this again

The truth is that fella whose birthday so many folks celebrate today never had a beard. I even found evidence on the internet!

Jesus Had Short Hair and was Clean Shaven

Imagine Jesus as your prototypical Marine - short hair, clean-shaven. Hard to imagine, yet that seems to be our best evidence. Freke and Gandy (2001) note: “the earliest representations of Jesus actually portray him beardless, with short hair….(p. 56).” We can see this in our survey of the earliest Christian art…
The Revue stands by the original rating.

Happy 25th!

24 December 2008

Santa Claus (United States)

In 1931 artist Haddon Sundblom created the Santa we all know today — fat, old, jolly, red suit and, of course, with a big, beautiful beard. Commissioned by the Coca-Cola company, Sundblom had the foresight to add a fluffy white beard knowing Papa Noel would likely become an envoy for the world beard community.

Father Christmas is no fashion fool — he recognizes the prospective balance that can be struck between the snowy fur cuffs around his wrists, hat rim and boots. Kringle’s bold two-color palette may be limiting, but strengthens his simple, direct brand. The snow white whiskers are whip cream topping bonus.

The beard also serves as an efficient solution to potential wind burn whilst traveling by flying sleigh through December winds. At
650 miles per second, you can bet your sweet bippie a bushy beard is more than just armure de rigueur.

Lastly, the man knows how to commit. Father Christmas is dedicated to the length and girth of his beard to the extent that an ivory canvas extends from his chin like soothing waves upon a beach. How serene.

Be good beardies, and hope that old Saint Nick might break and enter your home tonight!

23 December 2008

Portland Monthly: Portland beardiest city in U.S.

Portland Monthly has somehow come to the conclusion that Portland is the beardiest town in these United States. While I can already hear the heavy sigh and collective “duh” from PDX beardies throughout the snow covered Willamette Valley, I am quite excited to see a little recognition (even if it is in a publication based in Beard Ground Zero).

The article is full of stellar quotes, too:

A beard is a scarf that works great while bike riding.

We have a populace and an electorate whose easy-like-Sunday-morning attitude allows all of those who are too lazy or cheap to buy a razor the good grace to go without one.

A beard is a bullshit filter. It keeps me from working at lame places and 
interacting with lame people.

My beard-growing goes with my life philosophy: not why, but why not?

A beard is a friend who is always there to give you a hug.
So, from the home of the Revue, and snagged from the pages of Portland Monthly, here is some hot Stumptown beard action. (Follow the link for more large photos.)

{ Photos by Chris Hornbecker }

St. Nick the Malfeasant

The beardy mugs featured here could certainly pass as Santa, but you may not want them sliding down your chimney tomorrow night… here’s why.

21 December 2008

Churches under the Stairs

BSS beardies Brendan Canning and Kevin Drew wear fully-furred faces as they face off in Canning’s “Churches under the Stairs” video. Indeed, there’s a little something for all of us.

20 December 2008

Rollie Fingers’ Guide to Sporting a Sweet Handlebar ’Stache

Alex Moaba from Asylum wrote in to share Rollie Fingers’ seminal ’stache. Anthony Layser’s comprehensive analysis of Rollie’s handlebar covers all your questions — about the inspiration, subsequent legend and the doubts to maintenance, length and even preferred wax.

The inspiration
“I just wanted to be different. [The Oakland A’s players] started growing mustaches in spring training in 1972, and everybody was growing regular ones, and I thought, ‘What the hell, I’m going to do something a little different.’ So I let the ends grow, put a little wax on it, turned it up and see what it looks like. Bingo, bango, we started winning, and I started getting guys out. Baseball players are the most superstitious animals that ever lived, and I was having a good year. Year after year we were winning and I was getting guys out, so it became tough to even think about shaving it off.”
And my favorite:
You may scare kids
“I was in Chicago at the airport and there was this couple in front of me and they’ve got a little 5-year-old girl. She keeps turning around and looking at me. And all the sudden, she turns around and kicks me right in the shins. Her parents turn around and say, ‘Honey, what are you doing!’ and she looks up at me and says, ‘Why were you so mean to Peter Pan?’ She thought I was Captain Hook. It was right around the time that movie, Hook came out. I just started busting out laughing. I was just glad she didn't have pointed shoes.”
Continue reading Rollie Fingers’ Guide to Sporting a Sweet Handlebar ’Stache.

Happy solstice, everyone!

18 December 2008

PDX ’Stache Bash - Tonight!

Go here. Then go to the bash. Donate moneys.

Mr. Moustache Tote

Tote bag for moustache lovers from Supermarket, found via notcot.org. Made me laugh.

17 December 2008

I can haz brb?

Bear with me, beardies. The Revue will be tended to when possible… hopefully sooner than later. For now, I have to work on clearing my plate.


Poster image by Pixelgarten

16 December 2008

“I’m an occasional drinker; the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard.”

—Raymond Chandler

Pitchfork’s hairy year in photos

Seeing how I love a good arbitrary rating system, pretentious music and lots of beardage, it’s easy to see why Pitchfork is often a resource for Beard Revue. Let’s look at a few of the mustachioed musicians and maned minstrels from 2008, shall we?

Nick Cave by Sigurd Fandango

Elephant 6 by John Kendelhardt

Rage Against the Machine by Jon Behm

14 December 2008

I suffered in darkness, but now I litter in valhalla

Tim Harrington of Les Savy Fav in: “BEARDO” Episode 4 - Ghost Writer

The fourth installment of “BEARDO”— it’s animated!— finds Tim Harrington taking some time out to help a friend in need. The dude is a little sick, but I enjoy his humor. Plus, you know, it’s a show called “BEARDO”…

12 December 2008


Urlesque has a “Year of the ’Stache” review, which pretty much cribs a bunch of entries by yours truly. Like here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

That’s where I found this Mario moustache chart.

Bearded Lady

Here at Beard Revue, we celebrate the wild, wonderful beard. We don't discriminate, nor do we judge. (OK, I suppose we do judge.) What I’m trying to say is that we respect the beard, in whatever size, shape, form, color, denomination, creed, race, or nationality it comes. And let me add to that: gender.

Female facial hair has a long and varied history. Probably most popular as part of the carnival freak-show, the bearded lady has a much more noble (and respectable) history. Many contemporary feminists view facial hair as a political statement… to which I say rubbish. It’s not political, it’s just good fashion.

Vivian Wheeler of Wood River, Illinois holds the Guiness World Record for the longest beard for a female — with hairs measuring up to 11 inches long:

The bearded lady is an interesting subject that pops up in numerous places throughout recorded history…


This is a commercial for Venus razors, starring my dear friend Abbe Meryl (and some really tall, freaky dude — and no he’s not a freak because he’s tall, he’s a freak because he’s beardless). While she doesn’t sport a beard most days of the year, I do have to say that Abbe looks quite stunning in a full beard, as would many ladies.

So take this as a tip, ladies. Real men will appreciate you for who you are, beard and all.

This post was written by Joshua. Thank you thank you. Oh, and I have this bonus picture to contribute (h-a-w-t):

11 December 2008

Holiday cheer and Santa beards

This morning I received an invitation to the Holy City Beard and Moustache Society Christmas Ball. It looks like it’ll be a blast. So if you’re in the Charleston, SC, area, check it out.

HCBMS Christmas Party @ Music Farm with Cord & Pedal , Saturday, December 20th

The best way to get that warm, fuzzy, holiday feeling this year is to go to the SPCA and adopt yourself a new best friend.The second best way is to come to the Music Farm and let over 30 musicians, performers, dancers, and elves kick start your holiday heart.

December 20. Doors at 8pm; show at 9pm
$10.00; all proceeds go to the animals! It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (minus the humidity & rainstorms).

Drop a note if you are coming & cheers,


10 December 2008


More from Marc Johns

Robert Osband (Ozzie)

Ozzie, the telecommunications hobbyist and self-proclaimed space information nerd, has an excellent beard. Though he’s a bit old to be a space cadet anymore, it’s nice to know there is some initiative to put a good beard in space.

Ozzie’s straightforward approach leaves no room for flare, but maintains a well-suited personality. The beard is long enough to inform the casual observer that Ozzie is an out-of-the-box thinker yet trim and proper enough to say “hey, I’m not an eccentric.” The chiaroscuro of flesh and hair may seem basic here, but he masterfully developed it further over time.

Sometimes simple is just better. Also, he’s wearing a spacesuit, which is awesome.

09 December 2008

When you die, your beard keeps growing

Save 10% with the coupon code BUST on this amazing t-shirt and others from The Cotton Factory. The offer is temporary, so make haste!

Bearded Lady (teaser)

The bearded lady is a magical creature, not unlike a unicorn or a griffin. The magic of the beard and the mystery of the lady — you’d think — should create a vortex awesomeness. Instead, this unfortunate pairing is counter intuitive, constructing a social faux pas of epic proportion…

Check out the hi-res illustraion from Veer here or the flickr page of helveticaneue from which I snagged the photo here.

08 December 2008

Moustache harvest at MakerLab

Portland tech community regulars Amber Case, Bram Pitoyo and other grew moustaches at MakerLab this week. Made me laugh.

Heirarchy of Beards

Beards have been part of humanity's hairy history for decades. Now, for the first time in wall-mounted form, comes this handy 18" x 24" chart tracking the hierarchy of the many types of beard that currently adorn the face of Man. This is a greatly expanded version of the pocket-sized Beard Spotting Guide from the Wondermark collection Beards of our Forefathers.

At just $12, I know you wanna get me one for Chrifsmas. ;-)

Mexico: America’s beard

Busted Tees… I love their beard shirts. Get 10% off until December 31.

Fleet Foxes beard up la blogotheque

One of my favorite music sites, la Blogotheque, features Revue favorites Fleet Foxes.

Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

06 December 2008

Saint Nicholas

Saint Nicholas had a beard, but it was not as aloofly displayed as Santa Claus’. Instead, this pious beardy wore a neatly groomed classic hairship with a straight-forward approach. My guess is that all heavily decorated wardrobe had to be balanced with something — and what a something!

The simple, white down becomes the focal point of the jolly saint. Surrounded by intricate decor, the white burst is a token of clarity and a symbol of purity. The folks in Bari were quick to recognize this and, in the 1000s, Saint Nicholas was effectively rendered one of the earliest patrons of Pretty Decent Beardage If I Do Say So Myself.

Postscript: Note the heavy metal Satan fingers Saint Nicholas proudly displays. It’s not ironic — Nick was just a big fan of rock ’n’ roll. Happy Saint Nick’s Day.

05 December 2008

Daniel Day-Lewis

Naked in The Last of the Mohicans, handlebarred in Gangs of New York, straight soup-strainer in There Will Be Blood and full-on mug shrub post The Ballad of Jack and Rose, Daniel Day-Lewis is a man of many faces.

Sure, Day-Lewis looks pretty cool as an oilman, but the handlebar as Bill the Butcher and the full beard after …Jack and Rose are just exemplary. Let’s begin with that stache: It’s flawless! Robust in the middle, evenly parted, tight corners and tough as nails.

The flourishing tips act as a dark frame drawing the eyes into the mo and back up to his dark stare, employing an ever-fleeting but significant principle of pogonic dynamics. That’s just smart.

Then there’s the wise and weathered sea captain beard that sprouted forth a few years ago. Day-Lewis’s zesty barbe varies in textures, but never confuses the message of radiant kindness that can so often come with beard awesomesauce.

The finesse with which Day-Lewis eases between beardstyles is admirable, to say the least. Let’s just hope he continues the trend and dazzles us with more facial hair gems in the years to come.

Colin Kloecker promises to grow a beard like this for the fast-approaching Twin City winter. Grow, Colin! Grow!

04 December 2008

Our Hairy Revolution and What To Do About It

PT just sent me this excellent spread, explaining:

Here is a spread I couldn't go by without sending it to you. This is a very old beard review from Mechanix Illustrated, October 1969.
This is an amazing find, full of beardy awesomeness! It even has recommendations for what type of beardage you should employ according to the size and shape of your face. I love the second caption: “Author a touch of dignity to his criminal-like face by pasting on a full-face phony beard.”

Click the pic to embiggen.

03 December 2008

Obama 'deeply disappointed' Richardson shaved beard

Straight from CNN:

Gov. Bill Richardson showed up to his press conference with President-elect Barack Obama Wednesday morning without the beard he has been sporting since dropping out of the presidential race in January, sparking his new boss to tell reporters he is “deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard.”

“I'm going to answer this question about the beard,” said Obama, when Richardson was asked where the facial hair went. “I think it was a mistake for him to get rid of it. I thought that whole Western, rugged look was really working for him.

“For some reason, maybe because it was scratchy when he kissed his wife, he was forced to get rid of it.," Obama continued as his nominee for commerce secretary smiled broadly. "But we're deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard.”

Obama didn't let Richardson answer the question, but the New Mexico governor told Esquire Magazine in an interview posted online Wednesday that “After the campaign, I grew a beard as a rebellion against those consultants who told me I had to comb my hair, shave, lose weight. I said, You know, I’m gonna do what I want now. That was a good feeling.”

Even if he won’t wear one himself, at least he has the sense to appreciate a good beard when he sees one. Way to go, Barry.

Thanks, Joshua.


Made me laugh.

via aja west

Beards Not Bombs!

ReForm School knows beards are peaceful creatures. And this T-shirt kinda says it all.

Thanks, DiBiase!

02 December 2008

Ebenezer Scrooge

There haven’t been many bulwarks of sideburns in recent years, but back in the mid- to late-1800s, face curtains were the dog’s bollocks (see: General Ambrose Burnside, Martin Van Buren). And while popularity may have waned, their magnificent repute has not.

Ebenezer Scrooge, the protagonist in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, has endured years of selflessly promoting healthy burns. Often depicted as dapple grey or snowy white, Scrooge’s burns are always robust hedges growing forth with animated gusto. The bristly payot is an extension of his true character, harmonizing with his fiery demeanor.

Who needs money when you’re rich in beardiness?

Scroogey potpourri:

01 December 2008

Don van Vliet (Captain Beefheart)

Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band were legendary. Don van Vliet’s facial hair? Not so much.

His lip ferret was merely average. And his poet’s beard was never much more than the obligatory mark of a mad musical genius. The extent to which we can attribute Beefheart’s storied musical career to his tightly manicured face garden is far less than the muse standard set by other great beardists.

Beefheart’s continued trajectory into obscurity and remaining a cult hero is directly proportional to his subpar beardage. Fellow musician and collaborator Frank Zappa, on the other hand, took the logo approach and crafted a trademark from his moustache-chinpuff combo synonymous with his music and name.