02 March 2009

Ron Howard
5.5



On the merit that this ginger beard is even visible, it safely resides in the top fifty percentile. But that’s about it. Ron Howard’s beard was recently described as “scruffy but defined, light and sweet” (The Jewish Journal). But it looks more like the accidental beard a university student might wear on his weekend laundry trip home than a purposeful development.

When is the goal a “light and sweet” beard? Unassuming, maybe, but sweet? If the uniquely male characteristic of whisker farming is relegated to an adjective shared by the fairer sex, vanilla ice cream and puppies, said whisker farm is harvesting a plagued crop.

Light and sweet, just like Richie Cunningham. How boring.

4 comments:

Br'er Bear said...

I don't know, I hear what you're saying, but should he get some credit for even trying? Most patchy, Ginger bearders don't even get out the gate.

mb said...

@ Br'er Bear

That's exactly the dilemma.

Should you be awarded just for trying? I think the fact that he got over a 5 says something to the effect of "nice try, bucko." But trying a great beard does not make.

And do you think this guy actually tried? Points won't be taken away for nonchalance.

Br'er Bear said...

Fair points, I think the grade was probably generous, I was speaking mostly to the description. And Michaelangelo makes God's moustache look a little wimpy, IMO.

mb said...

@ Br'er Bear

Whoa, whoa… "Michelangelo makes God's moustache look a little wimpy"?

Without dead Italians from 500 years ago, how would we even know what God's stache looked like? For serious, I don't question the Masters (aka the Ninja Turtles).