17 April 2009

The Real Shaq

You probably know Shaquille O’Neal as a Twitter mogul (@THE_REAL_SHAQ), but he also plays basketball and wears a beard.

An incredibly fun beard to watch, Shaq’s muzzle mat is dominant. Without warning, his sideburns erupt like a phoenix from his naked dome. Powering its way to the middle, this basketbeard maneuvers with purpose. The sculpting for each section of the face (carving under the cheek, thin moustache, soul patch) reflects the various disciplines of a tweeting (or basketball).

That little space between the bottom lip and the chin — big enough to fit a fail whale or maybe 19 feet of paint — is the only spot where Shaq’s beard misses. Shaq may claim this device adds character, but cares? When it’s all about power, flourishes like this just appear awkward and misplaced.

Overall, Shaq’s beard is a beacon of hope for social media magnates (and athletes) around the globe, sending a message encouraging the cultivation of face gardens. And for this, it deserves the high grade.

It should be noted that this beard is nothing like Samson’s. Shaq has always been a talented twitterer. And it has nothing to do with the Suns missing the playoffs.