28 January 2009

…and Im waiting at the Berlin wall…

I’m on holiday to visit friends on the other side of the globe. In the meantime, buy this sweet poster I made.

Happy bearding!

{ $20 }

Two weeks ago, Beard Revue turned one. To celebrate, I’ve gone and printed 200 posters of an illustration I drew a while back.

Inspired by Milton Glaser’s Bob Dylan, here is the my own Beard in the likeness of Leonardo da Vinci. I hope you like it.

Dimensions: 18" x 24"
Printing: four-color offset
Stock: 8o# glacier white matte paper
Quantity: limited edition of just 200
Notes: each one is hand-numbered and signed by the artist (me)
Ships to anywhere. Thanks for all your support!

Michael Buchino

27 January 2009

Dance, moustache! Dance!

(via Andrew Sullivan)

26 January 2009

Steven L. Cloud

It was known that Boy on a Stick and Slither cartoonist Steven L. Cloud was a fan of beards (see Friday’s post). Turns out, Cloud has formed a cumulus humilis of his own.

A mosaic chock-full of vigorous coils spring from his jaw in a chaotic frenzy that, when viewed comprehensively, appears holistically planned.. This sort of artisanal mastery was harnessed most famously by these guys. But Cloud’s attempt is nearly as admirable.

His barbus maximus may never reach Zeus status, but Cloud has illustrated a magnificent sea of beardage nonetheless. Furnished with a light hint of mahogany at the sideburns that grade fluidly into cherry and walnut, the tonal range is sublime. Waves, rather than rigid strands, build an enviable texture.

Go figure, Cloud’s beard grows in Brooklyn.

Bonus: Cloud’s beard is on Twitter!

25 January 2009


Euler diagram of the day:

Guitars are awesome. Beards are awesome. Therefore, guitarbeards are awesome.
(via aforementioned t-shirt blog)

Who’s afraid of a ginger beard?

I used to think my favorite t-shirt blog was sending me encrypted messages that compelled me to post the beard t-shirts they featured. They’re a little less subtle these days.

If you’re like Palmer, you may not just appreciate this one — you just may be obliged to buy it.

23 January 2009

Around the web and back again

22 January 2009

Stephen Colbert comes around

Once upon a time, Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report listed “Men with Beards” under his “Dead to Me” column. But as the old saying goes: “beards… they grow on you.” Just like Obama’s popularity, Colbert finally came around to beards. Have a look:

Try watching this if you are unable to watch the above video (skip to about 4'05).

Glad to finally have your endorsement, Stephen.

David Crosby

There’s no denying the legendary status of CSN&Y. But with four brilliant musicians coming together (sometimes just three, but I digress) to create something much larger than the sum of their parts, rarely did their facial hair blossom into something greater than David Crosby’s walrustache.

The equation was simple:

Step 1: Let it grow.
Step 2: ?
Step 3: Success.
And it worked! Without maintenance or style or any real thought process to it all save maybe a hint of being rebellious, Crosby grew a mo that served all his needs. Crosby’s moustache was baptised in the counterculture requisites of length and unkempt presentation. It gave him a new identity that separated him from his Byrds past. And it was instantly iconic.

As for composition, Crosby’s soup stainer is the perfect lip compliment for the man who composed “Almost Cut My Hair” (but seriously, shouldn’t he have been wearing a beard?). It’s loose, it matches his long hair and it adds a maturity that wasn’t immediately evident beforehand.

The moustache finds camaraderie in that of Wilford Brimley’s — and that’s good company. Let‘s hope to see this one for many more years to come.

21 January 2009

Moustache Pint

Moustache pint glasses. Simple. Brilliant.

Beard Bags

Caroline Ballhorn, an orthotic pogonologist in Vancouver, BC, has come up with the very clever Beard Bag, which is like other handmade beards but with pockets!

Key notes:

  • All the beards have zippers in the back and elastic headbands, which are sporty and wrap around the ears so they stay on the face.
  • Well, not only does it leave your hands free for double high fives, it also keeps your face warm and protected and gives you a place to keep your credit cards when you are naked bicycle riding, for example.
  • Fill with moist towelettes, change, drugs or, in some of the larger models, even a passport! It’s a real hands-free space saver.
  • They are available in felt and vinyl at a shoppe called Occupied in Gastown (Vancouver).
  • If you have questions or requests, Gmail her at beardbag.

20 January 2009

Moustaches for Obama

I am so late to the party when it comes to this video. But there’s no better time (post primaries) to share this than the day the United States inaugurates a new, very facial-hairless president.

But it’s not about him. It’s about us, and our ability to grow facial hair together! Yes we can!

19 January 2009

Jerry Cantrell

Alice in Chains founder Jerry Cantrell had a great beard by the time his solo effort Degredation Trip was recorded. That’s not to say he welcomed the growth.

Both beard and my face growing longer
The stench of decay growing stronger
Reality and dream intermingle
Contently swallow shit on a shingle
A little self-loathing from the song “S.O.S.” doesn’t dismiss this follicle cluster. Nay, it reinforces his state of mind. It’s well been established that beards are a source of comfort and inspiration. In depressing times, your beard might be the only thing keeping you going.

That said, when Cantrell gets down, his beardage is up. A thicket of blond evenly canvases his face, shielding Cantrell from the physical and psychological elelments. Born from tough times, this burly cultivation is a model for anyone in need of a little extra support.

Cantrell is growing it out again, this time during the recording of a new Alice in Chains record. Who knew?

Week 5 Update

18 January 2009

Philly fans free their follicles

The Philadelphia Eagles are headed to today’s NFC championship game with a lot of hairy fans. Philly.com reports on the traditional playoff beard and collects a gallery of fans.

16 January 2009

Werner von Braun

Werner von Braun
was the Nazi rocket scientist that took the United States to the moon. See, the NSDAP invested in rockets and he wanted to go to the moon instead of be killed by Nazis and then after WWII the US snagged him for fear of the Russians getting to him first. There’s a play about it that explains it all better.

But let’s talk von Braun’s beard. A late bloomer, his cultivation was a worthy experiment in beardage.

It is apparent that there are a few parallels between von Braun’s rocket project and his beard. Like the design of the Apollo lunar space module as seen below, von Braun achieved a tripod formation. Like Apollo, his beard appeared on his face after decades of remaining an unexplored terrain. And just like the Apollo program, few people appreciated von Braun’s barbaluna in its prime.

Von Braun’s beard is good, but not great. This is a classic symptom of a first beard. It’s rare to see beginner’s luck when growing a beard, so it shouldn’t be surprising that von Braun doesn’t look as confident or composed with his new hairship. Some have even gone so far as to speculate it is phony, built in a Hollywood studio.

Unlike the mission to the moon, unfortunately, von Braun didn’t live to see his beard perfected.

Apollo is playing at Portland Center Stage. The trailer is amazing and I cannot wait to go see it. If you’re in Stumptown, see this play!

14 January 2009

Beard Poster

{ $20 }

Beard Revue is one year old today, 14 January 2009. To celebrate, I’ve gone and printed 200 posters of an illustration I drew a while back.

Inspired by Milton Glaser’s Bob Dylan (in turn inspired by Marcel Duchamp’s Self-Portrait in Profile), here is the my own Beard in the likeness of Leonardo da Vinci. I hope you like it.

Dimensions: 18" x 24"
Printing: four-color offset
Stock: 8o# glacier white matte paper
Quantity: limited edition of just 200
Notes: each one is hand-numbered and signed by the artist (me)
Ships to anywhere. Thanks for all your support!

Michael Buchino

13 January 2009


Year + Beard = Yeard
Indeed. Beard Revue will begin its second year tomorrow. Here are ten of my favorite reviews from the past year:

And five from the general entertainment archives:

Beard Revue has received over 75,000 visits and 150,000 page views. Portland Monthly: Portland beardiest city in U.S. (December 24) achieved the one-day traffic high with over 2,250 visitors, though the most visited post is Drew Toothpaste with 6,554. In the United States, folks from the five boroughs drop more often than anywhere else, with Portland close behind. California leads all states in visits. 155 countries from around the globe have visited Beard Revue, those with Anglo-Saxon roots popping in most often.

Long live beards
Thanks for visiting Beard Revue; it’s been a spectacular year. Salud, santé, saude, prost, skål, noroc, na zdorovje, kampai, gom bui, l’chaim and cheers!

More celebrating to be had tomorrow…

Persecuted for wearing the beard.

Clusterflock.org recently featured a story about Joseph Palmer, the man who moved to Massachusetts only to discover folks don’t take kindly to beardies there. Don’t worry, though — this tale takes place in the mid-1800s. Mass is much more comfortable with a little beardage these days.

In 1830, at the age of forty-two, a quiet unobtrusive, God-fearing man named Joseph Palmer moved to Fitchburg, Massachusetts. Normally, such an event would have caused no great stir in the community, the newcomer would have settled down and been accepted, and life would have gone on as before. Only one thing prevented matters working out that way—Joseph Palmer wore a beard. And in 1830 beards were not worn in Fitchburg. Had he been merely passing through or stopping off for a few days, he would undoubtedly have been merely an object of curiosity and perhaps some thoughtless finger-pointing. But he had come to stay, to settle among these people, to become one of them; and this was intolerable. The unthinkable had happened—Fitchburg was harbouring a non-conformist.

Derision changed to outrage and outrage to anger. Palmer’s windows were repeatedly broken, and somehow the culprits were never found. Women crossed the street to avoid him, and their sons threw stones at him. Even the Reverend George Trask admonished him; and eventually, all else failing, the Church refused him communion.

Shortly afterwards, Palmer was set upon in the street by four men, who threw him down, injuring his back, and attempted to shave him. Palmer managed to drive off the assailants with his pocket knife and was thereupon arrested, beard and all, for unprovoked assault. When he refused to pay the fine, he was imprisioned for a year in Worcester.

But this was not the end of his story. In prison he nourished his beard and wrote letters, which he managed, with the help of his son, to smuggle out. The letters protested that he had really been imprisoned not for assault, but for wearing a beard. They were published in various newspapers, the case was widely discussed, public opinion shifted to his side, and Joseph Palmer and his beard became a cause célèbre. After a time, he became such an embarrassment to the local constabulary that they suggested he forget the whole thing and go home. He refused as a matter of principle, saying that if they wanted him out, they’d have to carry him out. And that is what they finally had to do.

Before he died in 1875, Joseph Palmer had the satisfaction of seeing practically the entire male population bearded, including the local clergy. Palmer’s tombstone, on which there is a likeness of his beard, reads: ‘Persecuted for wearing the beard’.

—from Fashions in Hair by Richard Corson (1965)

{ clusterflock | Joseph Palmer wore a beard }

12 January 2009

Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin

On this date forty years ago, Led Zeppelin released their eponymous debut album. Of course, this would have never happened had there not been a German aircraft manufacturer and founder of his eponymous airship company, Ferdinand von Zeppelin. And since I’m taking off for Deutschland in a fortnight, it’s about time the Revue started reviewing some Germans.

Zeppelin looks about like the Colonel Sanders of Germany, but with a much better lady tickler and an hilarious hat. Strong brush strokes swoop down and out, bracing Zeppelin’s cheeks and sleepy eyes. Detracting from his potent schnoz, the moustache draws an instantly pleasing focal point.

The weißen Schnurrbart is robust yet nimble, minding not frayed tips nor loose follicles. Far from disgraceful, it reinforces the delicacy and imperfection of Zeppelin’s most prized design. In this way, the count’s mighty hairship afloat his philtrum is simultaneously as magnificent as ever and combustable as a hydrogen balloon.

10 January 2009

Donkeys outbeard elephants

The Economic Times recently reported on the Washington beard economy. It looks like Democrats have a strong majority over Republicans:

(…) Even though Barack Obama has wistfully admitted he can’t grow one, there will be 29 moustachioed men in the newly constituted 111th US Congress. An overwhelming 26 of them will be bristling on Democratic visages; they even have a majority when it comes to beards, besting the Republicans nine to three. And if Obama’s legendary spinmeister David Axelrod’s luxuriant 1970s handlebar model and attorney-general designate Eric Holder’s trimmed upper lip fringe are any indication, the close shave Obama had with Governor Bill Richardson will not be repeated. Those hopeful of making the cut for Obama’s Cabinet will now have to think harder about what it takes to walk the razor’s edge to the Cabinet. (…)
You stay classy, District of Columbia.

{ The Economic Times | Making the Cut }

(via stuffinmybeard)

09 January 2009

Inching its way back on top… of yer lip

Moustaches are back? Yeah, well, old news. But now even The New York Times acknowledges it!

Straight from the internets:

In case you have been in a hole the last few years, stylish men have cast aside razors for electric clippers and taken to styling their face and body hair — a k a “manscaping” — with a zeal not seen since Edward Scissorhands. The beard, that onetime symbol of rural cluelessness, has become a badge of urban hipsterdom. This has grown to include a spectrum of variations, from a week’s slackerly growth to a handsome Czar Nicholas II beard to a full-blown Rutherford B. Hayes thicket.

But its upstairs neighbor, the mustache, has had a bumpier ride. It, like the beard, enjoyed its most widespread popularity between 1850 and 1900; John Wilkes Booth, it must be conceded, had a beaut. But today, the mustache cannot shake its ties to the sexy-yet-buffoonish machismo of the mid-1970s, epitomized by Burt Reynolds, Sam Elliott and the Village People, ’stache sporters all.

Lately, though, there are signs that the mustache is at long last shaking off the most unsavory of those associations. (…)

The problem is, the men who look good in a mustache are vastly outnumbered by those using it for comedic effect (See “Anchorman” and “Borat”). Jason Lee does an admirable job straddling the fence as the star of the television series “My Name Is Earl.” Though his mustache looks good on him, in a ’76 Camaro kind of way, it also reads as an albatross of sorts — a token of his character’s lowlife nature for which he is forever making amends. You have to wonder if his mustache will magically fall off on the last episode.

Even the pro-mustache Movember movement is a double-edged razor. Originating in Australia in 2004, Movember challenges men to grow mustaches for the month of November to raise money for men’s health charities; an estimated 200,000 men worldwide participated in 2008. It brings the mustache back every fall, only to kill it off a few weeks later. (…)

“Your mustache is always there, saying, ‘Yeah, I have a mustache, so bring it on.’” (…)
{ The New York Times | Inching Its Way Back Onto the Lip }

Luke Wilson

Luke Wilson’s character Richie Tenenbaum wears the security blanket beard in The Royal Tenenbaums. He suffers a mental breakdown, after which he can only feel comfortable by traveling and wearing a beard. And with a beard like that, who wouldn’t feel comfortable?

Often, the true self is revealed in the wooly strands of a well-woven beard. In this instance, Wilson’s portrayal of a film character is practically irrelevant, as the portrayal of his innate beardy self overshadows just about everything else when he’s onscreen.

Wilson’s better face is strong and dense. It embodies the spirit of an English professor and a Williamsburg resident. It could use a little length, but the unpruned boundaries are a subtle reminder of Wilson’s appreciation for natural beard beauty.

Bonus: Bill Murray’s stellar growth from The Royal Tenenbaums.

08 January 2009

Epic Beards on Flickr

There is a Flickr group called Epic Beards. If you have a Flickr account and have a wealth of resources that include “beards you have seen, have grown, and/or are worthy of Epic status”, consider participating.

Sam Thompson also has an excellent set called Project Beard that’s worth checking out.

07 January 2009

Ragnarok glow in the dark t-shirt

Skull? ✔
Viking? ✔
Glow in the dark? ✔

What’s not to like? Only $20 at Enclothe.

NYC Beard & Moustache Championships

Branded by Beards is hosting a rather large Beard & Moustache Championships Saturday, March 14. From the official press release:

Saturday, March 14, 2009
Public Assembly 70 North 6th Street Brooklyn, NY
$15 in-advance, $20 at the door (smarttix.com)
All facial hair categories judged and prizes awarded accordingly
Entertainment to include bearded bands, bearded comedians, burlesque dancers, and much more…
You can even follow updates on Twitter.

Thanks to beardy Matthew Saccoman for organizing this event and keeping us posted.

06 January 2009

Beards over Babies

This shirt is not encouraging men to dangle their beards over babies. It’s simply stating that, like paper over rock, beards always win against babies.

This comic explains:


  1. Duh. Beards over babies in perpetuity throughout the universe.
  2. I just bought this shirt. Because it’s awesome.

05 January 2009

Wyatt Cenac

Wyatt Cenac of The Daily Show fame half-heartedly wears beard. Though his fauxstache is comical, it’s not exactly the kind of exposition expected of an ambassador of beardage.

So the observer is left with a short, seasonal beard that does little to enhance the Cenac at present. There’s still time — and potential — for Cenac’s beard to become a physical manifestation of his soul, not unlike the beard of Marvin Gaye.

That’s not to say Cenac’s jaw blossom isn’t dashing. It is—in its own very reserved, temperate way. Unfortunately, his beard is more of a hall pass to Williamsburg than a passport to awesomeness.

02 January 2009

Edward Gorey

Today marks the first of a series of guest reviews for Beard Revue. Erin Dollar is today’s guest reviewer.

When it comes to literary beards, I think Edward Gorey’s should be at the top of the list. Seriously, I’m sick of Hemingway and Whitman getting all the credit for being America's beardiest authors. Before Hemingway made a commitment to his bristly beard, he was often seen wearing a thick, Tom Selleck-esque moustache…hardly a literary look. And Whitman!?! Don’t even get me started on that guy’s crazy locks. They were out of control.

Neither author can really compete with Gorey’s fantastic beard. Gorey found his style and stuck with it: a full, frothy white beard that seemed to truly suit his demeanor. It was the perfect beard for a man who was described in his NY Times obit as both a recluse and “genial and gentle, and sometimes childish in his language, peppering his conversation with words like ‘jeepers’ and ‘zingy.’” By association, Gorey’s was a beard that didn't take itself too seriously.

As shown through his stories and illustrations, which were darkly humorous and full of antiquated Victorian fashions, Gorey seemed most comfortable in that place between serious and utterly ridiculous. I think his beard demonstrated what an excellent beard can be: versatile. His beard was friendly yet serious, formal, but also silly and surreal. I applaud Gorey, both for his incredible body of work (over 100 illustrated books, many featuring bearded characters!) and his dedication to his beard, a model for us all.

I’d rate it a 9.5/10, if only because Gorey probably wouldn’t like to have a higher ranking beard than Santa.

Editor’s elegy:
Gorey’s beard: A delicate balance between decorum and decadence, poison and poetry.