29 April 2009

Bearded Love Songs


“Beard Song” by YouTube sensation Sophie Madeleine


“Danny’s Song” by Loggins (at his beardiest) & Messina

Andrew Marzoni is building quite the collection of bearded love songs on his site The Semiotics of Sloth. There are more there already and surely many more to come. Do check it out.

28 April 2009

10 Awesomely Bearded Songs


SXSW and Coachella have pushed our bearded heads through the loins of music festival season and we have Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza and Pitchfork to carry us through the pregnant summer. And Consequence of Sound has made us a nice list of awesomely bearded songs by festival favorites and Beard Revue regulars.

10. “Waitin’ For Superman” by The Flaming Lips
9. “How Can I Tell You?” by Cat Stevens
8. “Run Thru” by My Morning Jacket
7. “Bring the Noise” by Anthrax
6. “Car” by Built to Spill
5. “The Great Salt Lake” by Band of Horses
4. “La Grange” by ZZ Top
3. “Chinese Children” by Devendra Banhart
2. “Upward Over the Mountain” by Iron & Wine
1. “I See a Darkness” by Bonnie “Prince” Billy
{ Continue Reading | Consequence of Sound }

Commentary and photos are worth clicking through. There’s even a music player so you can hear all this awesomeness. Wherever your bearded adventures take you, may music be your guide.

27 April 2009

Samuel Morse
8.2


... .- -- ..- . .-.. -- --- .-. ... . --..-- -.-. .-. . .- - --- .-. --- ..-. .- ... .. -. --. .-.. . .-- .. .-. . - . .-.. . --. .-. .- .--. .... ... -.-- ... - . -- .- -. -.. -- --- .-. ... . -.-. --- -.. . --..-- ... --- .-- . -.. .- -- .. --. .... - -.-- -... . .- .-. -.. -.-. .-. --- .--. .. -. .... .. ... - .-- .. .-.. .. --. .... - -.-- . .- .-. ... .-.-.- -- --- .-. . .-.. .. -.- . .- -. --- ...- . .-. --. .-. --- .-- -. --. .- .-. -.. . -. --- .-. - .... .- - ..-. .- ..- -..- ..-. ..- .-. ..- ... . -.. ..-. --- .-. .- -- ..- .--. .--. . - ... .... .- .. .-. - .... .- -. - .... . .-. . --. .- .-.. .--. .-.. ..- -- .- --. . ... --- -- .- -. -.-- -- . -.. .- .-.. ... -- .. --. .... - ... ..- --. --. . ... - --..-- - .... . -- --- .-. ... . -... . .- .-. -.. - . . - . .-. ... --- -. -... .. --.. .- .-. .-. . .-.-.- - .... .. ... ..- -. -... .-. .. -.. .-.. . -.. .- .--. .--. .-. --- .- -.-. .... .. ... --.- ..- .. - . ... ..- .. - .. -. --. ..-. --- .-. - .... .. ... -- .- ... ... .- -.-. .... ..- ... . - - ... -. .- - .. ...- . .-.-.- .. .-- --- -. -.. . .-. .... --- .-- -- .- -. -.-- --- ..-. -.-- --- ..- .- .-. . .- -.-. - ..- .- .-.. .-.. -.-- .-. . .- -.. .. -. --. - .... .. ... .-.-.- ..-. ..- .-.. .-.. ... - --- .--. .-.-.-

{ Morse Code Converter }

24 April 2009

The State: The Bearded Men of Space Station 11



The complete series of The State is being released on DVD on the 19-month anniversary of Beard Revue (July 14). Cool.

Thanks to Andy Sturdevant for directing me to this sketch.

23 April 2009

Terry Riley
10.0



You may recognize Terry Riley as the guy with the last name that was borrowed for The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” or you might know him as one of the greatest minimalist composers of the last half of the 20th century or you may just have the audacity to recognize him as that one guy with that stunning beard.

Like the composition In C, Riley’s beard is comprised of several individual elements amassed to create a lush landscape that builds methodically and tirelessly until an epic masterpiece emerges.

The breadth the thick, uninhibited barbus maximus of Riley’s youth is stunning. And now, the tumbling torrent of tresses and successive tributaries surge forth, imbued with a sagacity perceptible from miles away. Riley’s is a truly brilliant beard.


Serving to keep his plate clear of rogue hairs, to tickle his chest, to embrace a novel fashion or perhaps just for giggles, Riley posits an impressive braid. This stark contrast to the heap above playfully swoops down to a curly pig’s tail coda. What better conclusion is there for such a magnum opus?

Update: This Friday, April 24, Carnegie Hall will host a concert celebrating the 45th anniversary of Terry Riley’s landmark experimental work In C. The National's Bryce Dessner will join a lineup of out-music royalty that includes Philip Glass, the Kronos Quartet, Morton Subotnick, Trevor Dunn, So Percussion, and Riley himself to perform the work. { Pitchfork }

Update: Photo from rehearsals with the Kronos Quartet.

21 April 2009

Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield
5.8


Ice cream moguls Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield of Ben & Jerry’s have a long haphazard history of beardiness.

While Cohen bears the quintessential Santa beard and its attributed friendliness contained therein, he bears it sporadically. Take a stroll through the history books and you’ll find Cohen sporting fluffy whiskers that predate Ben & Jerry’s, a mo’ more recently and even going naked-faced.

Following Cohen’s lead, Greenfield has also worn a beard often. His is a choppy mix that tends to look impulsively grown and subsidiary to his other goings on. Greenfield’s insistence of an au naturel barbe does not suit him — dirty edges pronounce a latent recklessness that may have worked well with a risk-taking entrepreneur, but only hinder half the faces of such a renowned establishment.

Perhaps their odd beard habits are why Greenfield and Cohen remain active in the company, but claim they have “no responsibility, no authority.” We can at least be grateful their commitment to ice cream has been more consistent.

Today is free cone day — go get some!

19 April 2009

News: Lincolns, playoffs, Taxonomies, Beard Lifts, etc.


Honest Abes Tour D.C.
About 50 of them. Tall Lincolns and short Lincolns. Old Lincolns and young Lincolns. Lincolns in dark beards. Lincolns in light beards. One Lincoln had no beard. Another had a “paste-on.”
article
gallery

New Beard-A-Thon Website Ties Charities to NHL Playoff Beards

Includes rate-the-beards, beard-of-the-day and build-a-beard features for each NHL playoff team.
article
site

Eamon Daly’s beard lifts final load
The incredible beard that lifted a 56-pound boy partook in one last challenge April 12, though you can still donate to the cause.
article

The Ten Greatest Moustaches in Gaming History
Mario is number one. Heihachi Mishima isn’t even ranked.
article

Six Facial Hair Taxonomies
Wondermark’s David Malki is a beard enthusiast gifted with elegant writing, a clear sense of history and a profound knack for relevance. Add to your RSS feed — it’s a no-brainer.
article

Playoff Beards Are So Hot Right Now
The beginning of the NHL playoffs in Chicago marked the renewal of one of sports' grizzliest traditions: playoff beards.
myriad articles

17 April 2009

The Real Shaq
9.0


You probably know Shaquille O’Neal as a Twitter mogul (@THE_REAL_SHAQ), but he also plays basketball and wears a beard.

An incredibly fun beard to watch, Shaq’s muzzle mat is dominant. Without warning, his sideburns erupt like a phoenix from his naked dome. Powering its way to the middle, this basketbeard maneuvers with purpose. The sculpting for each section of the face (carving under the cheek, thin moustache, soul patch) reflects the various disciplines of a tweeting (or basketball).

That little space between the bottom lip and the chin — big enough to fit a fail whale or maybe 19 feet of paint — is the only spot where Shaq’s beard misses. Shaq may claim this device adds character, but cares? When it’s all about power, flourishes like this just appear awkward and misplaced.

Overall, Shaq’s beard is a beacon of hope for social media magnates (and athletes) around the globe, sending a message encouraging the cultivation of face gardens. And for this, it deserves the high grade.



It should be noted that this beard is nothing like Samson’s. Shaq has always been a talented twitterer. And it has nothing to do with the Suns missing the playoffs.

16 April 2009

George Zimmer
5.7

This review continues the series of guest reviews for Beard Revue. Andy Sturdevant is today’s guest reviewer.


I’ve always been uneasy about short, neatly-trimmed beards paired with traditional men’s suits. Something about the combination has never really worked for me — it’s as if the wearer expects one to dampen the full effect of the other.

Longer, more professorial beards look fine paired with a suit and tie, as numerous scowling 19th century autocrats demonstrated. A moustache and suit can look equally fine, casually rakish in the best Errol Flynn-via-Sabotage-Agent kind of way. But there is something that seems somehow dishonest about a short-bearded man who insists on donning a suit. The beard — or the suit, depending — seems less like a natural extension of the wearer’s personality and values, and more of a consolation, tossed off to quell an unspoken doubt in the viewer’s mind. “Buddy, I’m not just another suit,” they wink. “I’m not like the rest of ’em! I’m different!” Perhaps that’s so, but it’s a look that’s never truly comfortable, or truly integrated.

Contemporary suits, unlike their 19th century antecedents, weren’t designed to flatter bearded men; the exaggerated masculine lines of the shoulders, ties and lapels are meant to offset the clean faces and neat hairstyles of the 20th century. These same lines, when coupled with the masculinity of the standard beard, seem ridiculous together, a case of hyper-masculine overkill. There is no sensuality, no poetry, no sleekness of form. The wearer seems as if he’d be more at ease without the suit altogether, in a cardigan and jeans, wandering around the cabin smoking American Spirits; or alternately, more at ease with his face neat and clean, splashed with aftershave and ready for solving mysteries with Myrna Loy . The beard’s too scratchy, or the suit’s too scratchy — one of them has to go.


Perhaps the best-known victim of this particular strain of cognitive dissonance is Men’s Wearhouse founder and CEO George Zimmer. Zimmer is best known from his nationally-aired commercials for Men’s Wearhouse, where he calmly and confidently extols the middle-class virtues of looking neat and finding bargains. “You’re going to like the way you look,” he assures you. “I guarantee it.” Yet he seems, in his professional life, to harbor a genuine affinity for flying the proverbial freak flag — he has long been a proponent of marijuana decriminalization and the controlled, therapeutic use of ecstasy (!). Indeed, he once appointed self-help guru Deepak Chopra to his company’s corporate board. This guy isn’t Sam Walton.

So what are we to make of his beard? From a formal perspective, we may say it’s short, but it’s handsome, distinguished, flecked with gray in the right places. But Beard Revue has never been about the strictly formal perspective, and the way Zimmer wears his beard (along with the casual, freethinking personality it represents) simply seems to be somehow at odds with his commitment to stiff, inexpensive formal menswear. What would Zimmer wear if his livelihood didn’t depend on selling men’s suits? I can easily imagine him in a loose white shirt, untucked and unbuttoned to the midchest. I can picture him an Indian-style kurta dress and scarf. I can see him in Ray-Bans and a dark blue turtleneck. I can see him in almost anything but a $200 pinstriped wool-blend suit. And yet, these suits are his livelihood. We truly don’t know, deep down, whether Zimmer’s a suit guy, or a beard guy. Maybe he doesn’t even know.

Zimmer has a pleasant, attractive beard that’s a rare blend of serious and easygoing. That should be enough, but we must also remember that a beard never exists in a vacuum. A beard exists within a context, a framework. Either that context enhances the beard, or detracts from it. In Zimmer’s case, it detracts badly. I don’t need Zimmer to wear a beard and a suit to convince me I need to buy from him. His confidence in me and my ability to look good is heartening, but it’s undermined by the uneasy, tentative truce between what I see on his face, and what I hear in his message. Perhaps Zimmer thinks a suit is the secret to securing my trust. In fact, it’s not. It was the beard all along.



Editor’s elegy:
Andy Sturdevant always looks good in a beard (or moustache) and suit. And, yes, this is probably the most thoughtful reflection on beardage you will find on the internets.

14 April 2009

Pick a color, any color…



Erin wants you to know you can customize your prosthetic beard. After all, she did name her shop I Made You a Beard. What color beard suits your new spring look?

11 April 2009

"Uhhh… Sprout"?


Pastels, flowers and beards. It must be spring. Wear the shirt, compliments of Teeluxe and artist Nathaniel Russell.

09 April 2009

Evil Colbert does all the bad stuff


Stephen Colbert’s Trekkie roots may explain why he has thought so poorly of bearded men. Revealed during an interview with New York Congressman Dan Muffei, Colbert suggests men with poet’s beards — especially twins — are nothing but evil.

Silly Colbert. When will you grow up and grow a beard?

08 April 2009

Kris Kristofferson
8.5


Kris Kristofferson, one of the greatest song writers of our time, is one handsome liberal. And I’m not just saying that because I love “Me & Bobby McGee” and “Help Me Make It through the Night” or because of Ethan Hawke’s tale of how he told off Toby Keith (more).

Kristofferson is handsome mostly due to his righteous beard.

Presently straddling something akin to Steve Zissou and formerly cribbing style notes from the pages of Leisure Suit Monthly (see video below), Kristofferson has had a long history of sporting a beard.

This scruff is teeming with toughness. Kristofferson’s salty beard could be a bit longer, but it’s all about attitude. Instead, the short trim is all business and matches his no-nonsense glare.

Also, he hunted vampires. Which is kinda awesome.

Beard lifts 56-pound child


Ever want to raise money for a charity with your facial hair? What did you do? Shave your four-week old ’stache at the end of Moustache March? Well stop shaving and start lifting.

Eamon Daly’s beard lifted a child. A frickin’ child.

We are well aware that beardage is often a manifestation of awesomeness, but Daly is ready to prove it daily. This has effectively become my favorite way to raise money.

Of course, you can find out more about this hair-raising experience and Off the Street Club which it benefits at thingsmybeardcanlift.com.

07 April 2009

John Holdren
7.7


John Holdren is the presently the Assistant to the President for Science and Technology, Director of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy, and Co-Chair of the President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology. His lifelong promotion of science can inspire the least rational among us. His beard will certainly capture our hearts.


Simple, and simply genial, Holdren’s beard avoids the flash of and pizazz attributed to Van Wrinkleness or an inspirational muse beard. Instead, it serves more as a sheath of confidence, a constant companion that projects an air of reputability.

Swooping bistre tints and bronze shades line his mandible, culminating at a delta of whites and greys. The colors transcending this muzzle barathea quite nicely correspond to Holdren’s bushy crown and completes a pleasant face frame for the casual observer.

03 April 2009

Detroit Red Wings: The Beard is Back



The Detroit Red Wings are showing their playoff beards again this year.

Step 1: Grow a beard.



Step 2: Be prepared.
Step 3: Profit!

Sent in from the oft reliable Phil Jones.

02 April 2009

First Thursday Beard Art



Beards are awesome and prolific Hotlanta watercolor artist Sam Ellis knows it. Just check out his Flickr set.









The futuristicly-inclined Devin Clark just finished installing a beard-centric art show of my paintings and masks in Brooklyn. Do not miss all the cool beardy art in his new work.







Laith McGregor is some kind of awesome. His website isn’t 100% right now, but I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot more from this Aussie in the years to come.

Thanks, Hugh.





Thanks to Lindsey Clark-Ryan’s Western-loving father, an appreciation for handlebars has developed and is even featured in some of her work. Are you a mustachio nut?






Theory One of Cape Town does a illustrates a lot of characters with beards. A lot.

Thanks, Super Duper.







Julianna Swaney, a Michigan native, has been showing in the Journey through Bookland exhibit at Together Gallery in Portland. I love the notebooka place to “stache” your thoughts.





Graphic designer and illustrator Santiago Uceda of Corvalis, Oregon, made this appropriately beardy tour poster for Portland band Jared Mees and the Grown Children.





Bay Area artist Lisa Romero makes mini paintings. This one’s my favorite.






Portland’s very own Ashley Goldberg has made several prints of (Semi-)Bearded Guys available at her online shop. Goldberg even does custom portraits now!





Sean Morris draws pictures and lives in Perth.







Ariel Aberg-Riger’s work is peppered with various styles and media celebrating beardage.






Atlanta-based Mark Weaver makes something cool everyday. The Skullbeard print is for sale.





Ontario’s own Carson Campbell knows that beards are cooler than moustaches.






Californian Jared Andrew Schorr is an illustrator that works with cut paper. Love Is in the Hair and Good Day for Vikings are about as awesome as peanut butter on a saltine.





Bearded , the UK indie music magazine, commissioned Londoner Jim Stoten for this awesome illustration.





Jenny Meilihove in Jerusalem painted this watercolor of the very talented Erin Dollar (of I Made You a Beard fame). And she has an Etsy store full of more great illustrations and such.






Garden State artist Ana Benaroya recently showed at Fontanelle in Portland. The pieces above are for The Stranger, Seattle’s only newspaper.






Chicago artist Laura George has some sweet prints available at her Etsy shop.

01 April 2009

The Merkin


A merkin is the artificial covering of hair for the pubic area. So what is the Revue doing covering this? Well, Oxford English Dictionary offers a few brilliant quotes about merkins that relate to beardage. And, since context for these golden nuggets is a bit hard to find, it seemed fitting to laugh and let your imagination wander a bit.

This put a strange Whim in his Head; which was, to get the hairy circle of her Merkin … This he dry’d well and comb’d out, and then return’d to the Cardinal, telling him, he had brought Saint Peter’s Beard. (1714)

Or wear some stinking Merkin for a Beard (1680)
And apropos of nothing:
A thousand hogsheads then would haunt his firkin, And Mistris Minks recouer her lost mirkin. (1630)
Happy April Fool’s Day.
April 1, 2008
Google images search results for the curious (srsly, merkins are hilarious)

Adam McIsaac suggested this entry. Thanks, uncle.